


Stars are Only visible in Darkness

by childofhebe



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Universe, Cringe Alert, Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Georgi with Anya, Hurt Vitya, Internet Dating, Loneliness, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Language, Mild Rape Attempt, Multi, One Shot, Online Dating, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Prequel to canon, Russian Team Dynamics, Stammi Vicino routine, Tags Are Hard, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Victor with a K, Vodka, Weird and Stupid People, YOI Shit Bang 2017, YOIShitBang2017, Yakov Yelling, Yuri!!! on Ice Shit Bang 2017, a lot of adorable dogs, mild anxiety, no Yuuri but it leads to him, pansexual Vitya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:12:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childofhebe/pseuds/childofhebe
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov, a living legend of figure skating and one of the world's most beautiful bachelors, is lonely. And he doesn't want to be anymore. So he decides to fool around and use an internet dating site to meet someone.Things that happened afterward lead to the creation of beautiful Stammi Vicino routine, choreographed and performed by Viktor Nikiforov himself, which took the breath away from the world... (Especially from one certain Japanese boy)





	Stars are Only visible in Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I am honored to present you my piece for the YOI shit bang!!!
> 
> I was working with amazing hawesome, who delivered this breath-taking [art](http://hawesomesartinspirations.tumblr.com/post/164838916072/heres-my-art-piece-for-the-yoi-shit-bang-it) for my piece. Thank you and continue being (h)awesome! <3 :3  
> My other thanks belong to my wonderful beta [tothebatcave53](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tothebatcave53/pseuds/tothebatcave53), who was willing to miss the posting date because of me. I am so glad I have you <3 Go look at her amazing gore entry for the Shit Bang as well!!!
> 
> Additional Warnings: A lot of depression, loneliness, language, real-life situations, and minor character death  
> The inspiration? From the song "A ja sprostá" by Horkýže Slíže
> 
> I hope you will like it

It felt lonely.

All those nights, when he laid in his big bed, pleasantly exhausted from his summer practice, a few shots of vodka in his bloodstream, a poodle curled up partially on his side, partially across his stomach, as he was trying to fall asleep. These thoughts never gave him the chance.

So lonely.

He always dealt with it all the same. He skated it out. His routines, perfected with hard practice, every move, every inch of his body gorgeous and flawless. But it wasn't the same anymore. He craved, and he didn’t known what.

Now he did.

Because he was so, so lonely.

 

Why was he so lonely?

It may seem like it, but this question wasn’t so hard to answer.

It was only his own fault, nothing else - his younger self was always so obsessed with skating, with his work, and there was no time for other things, other people. He was trying to surprise the world, shock the world, change the world, rewrite history, with nothing else but hard work.

 

He did.

 

Now with his goal accomplished, very well actually, but that didn’t change the fact that he lost a lot of things on the road. His beloved mom died a long time ago, his friends he had from school grew tired of his obsession with work and left, and his rinkmates and co-competitors always saw him as someone untouchable. Someone so perfect, they didn't’ have any right to befriend him but he never felt as such...it was reversed for him.

His fans were even worse than his rinkmates. He was the legend of the figure skating world, the record breaker, the god-like person. Not an ordinary human anymore.

It got better when a friend appeared. He allowed the Swiss to get close, and the Swiss allowed him too. They became close friends, maybe sometimes too close.

They saw each other only few times a year. Sometimes he could convince himself it was enough.

But it just wasn't.

Time flew, his friend numbers weren't rising and that isolated him more with every passing day.

One day, specifically one night, he decided to change it. He took a few more shots of vodka and grabbed his laptop.

 

\---

 

When Viktor Nikiforov woke up the next morning, he isn’t even surprised that he’s on the couch. His lower back is sending sore pain to the whole of his body, one bottle of vodka empty laying on the table and the second standing filled only with a third of the clear beverage. Makkachin as always laid under his bent legs, asleep with her tongue peeking out. His head was throbbing and his limbs were stiff… And he had to skate today.

The surprising thing was the laptop on his knees, turned off in sleeping mode.

Viktor at first can’t remember exactly why he drank so much and was sleeping here, with his laptop?

 

Then he moved the mouse and immediately remembered.

“ _ Fuuuuuck… _ ” Victor thought as he analyzed the flashy blue site. Into Viktor's poor, hungover eyes  flashed big pink signs, located in every possible corner of the screen, saying:

**Find your true love here!**

**Register and immediately start a new chapter of life with us!**

**Are you somewhere miserable and alone? Here's the answer!**

 

There were more but Viktor felt nauseous enough after three of them.

But the worst thing, the  _ Login  _ window was already filled from his computer memory, with his email and some unknown password.

His hands were shaking a bit when he clicked the Enter button.

 

Right after that - his internet was fast - a slightly less flashy site opened. A lot of options windows, some photos of nice looking and not-so-nice looking guys and girls (they all looked Russian, and Viktor gave himself credit for setting his location correctly), and little outlook window of his profile. He clicked on it, he was curious what he filled in in his wonderfully drunken state.

As it turned out, he filled out literally everything but not everything was right. Viktor was horrified for a few seconds before he remembered how reckless his drunken self could sometimes be and he quickly started to remove some of the too personal data. Then he immediately uploaded the entire file with Makkachin's photos and a few of his more artistic selfies. But his profile picture was won over by a cute photo of Makka's face.

 

“ _ Wait. What are you doing? _ ”

He stopped and raised his hands from the keyboard.

“ _ Okay, stop. Let's rethink this. My tipsy self probably thought that registering myself at some random internet dating site was a good idea. But do I think it's a good idea? _ ”

 

It took him awhile till he stopped arguing in his head. He found plenty of  reasons why he should immediately remove his account - he's a celebrity and his fans would find him there, media could take it wrong, or he might find some creep who would imprison him for the rest of his life as some fuckdoll - but he repelled these thoughts with another simpler reason - he had never really cared what the media thought about him, if he was being careful, his fans wouldn’t discover him, and he could dodge every creep he might find.

And maybe it was because of the remaining drops of alcohol in his bloodstream, but he wanted to try it. Try to find someone. Someone to befriend. To understand. To love.

Victor didn't want to be alone anymore.

Noting the progression of time, he stood, took some pills for the the pain in his temples, showered, went out with Makkachin before he ran to the stadium for his morning exercise. His head was throbbing again by the time he arrived.

 

He asked Milla about it. She wasn't really his friend, but he knew if he wanted to know something like this, he was always welcomed.

“Ohh Vitya! That's so cute! Definitely, do it, I can't wait for your courtship! Need a profile photo? I recently discovered some new great selfie locations! But I don't think you need something too flashy, your cute face alone will be enough. No effects. Maybe some silvering, because of your hair. And be careful when filling out your body proportions, you can't lie too much, they'll be disappointed. You can make it bigger or smaller by only a little bit, to look more convincing. And which site are you trying out? I have my profile on almost every one. Add me to your friends and I'll introduce you to some very, very interesting and sinful guys.” A wink and sharp laugh came after; Viktor withdrew as quickly as he could.

 

He asked Georgi. He was Victor’s age, and was in a relationship with some ice dancer, who trained in the same stadium. He didn’t know her personally, but if what Georgi was always saying was true (according to Milla it wasn't), she was really cute and it was a really happy relationship. That was exactly what Viktor wanted.

“I do not doubt that you can find your true love there Viktor, the fates are unpredictable, but I met my beloved Anya without some modern technologies and I believe that is a sign of TRUE true love. You just have to wait, not to force it, and it will come. But to entertain yourself, only for a one-night stand or something… Why not? I would probably try it as well if I wasn't already saddled.” A melodramatic sigh came after, and Viktor withdrew as quickly as he could. 

Again.

 

He couldn't ask Yuri because he doubted Yuri had any experience in this field. (Or at least he hoped so because the 14-year-old had no reason to be on an internet dating site of any type).

 

He asked Yakov.

“Are you really asking me this! Better finally have found your theme for next year, you moron! What are you saying? Internet dating? Viktor Nikiforov, did you get a sunstroke? Or did you get drunk again in the middle of the week? Young man, the only thing you’ll meet there are some creeps that are trying to get your famous liver, or you'll go to the settled meeting with some nice young girl and you'll end up at your own autographing! Do you not realize how famous you are? How many madmen are out there, that would kill for a strand of your hair? Don't do dangerous things and better focus on skating!”

 

He shouldn't have asked Yakov.

 

\---

 

Victor didn’t wait for too long. That day when he came from the rink, exhausted and a bit miserable, ready to finish the second bottle of vodka, he surprisingly found a few messages.

But, as a responsible adult, he didn't check them immediately. First he went out with Makkachin, made himself some sandwiches and then settled on the couch with Makka and his laptop in his lap.

There were four messages. But after closer inspection, he found out that three of them were just ads and blowjob offers. _ “This is ordinary here, I suppose.” _

 

But that one remaining message seemed serious. It was sent by someone named Mikhail03 and it was simple but nice.

 

**Mikhail03:** Hello sweetie, how are you?

 

Viktor smiled and his fingers hovered over the keyboard without a second thought.

 

**ViktorN:** I'm fine, thank you ;) What about you?

 

He sent the message, of course not expecting an immediate response, but he left the tab opened. Just in case. He then moved to sort out his sponsor emails. His official mailbox was always so full...

A loud beep from the site startled him enough to jolt. Makkachin jolted with him and lifted her head. Viktor soothed her with a light pat on the head; she lay down again with an understanding nod.

 

Oh how Viktor loved his poodle! She was basically the only living being that immensely loved him, she was stuck in his heart the deepest of all. Only thanks to her his lonely life was bearable...and thanks to skating of course. What would his life be, or he himself be, without his greatest passion? But Makkachin held the most spacious place in his heart and he never would let anyone harm her. Anyone that thought badly of her was his enemy.

 

The tab with the dating site was furiously blinking at him. He clicked on it with a sigh. It was getting too flashy for him to bear at once. Maybe he should shut his profile down and settle down with his loving Makkachin.

 

A new message awaited him.

 

**Mikhail03** : I can’t complain, sweetie. Thanks for asking. I just wrote bcs I had seen dancing was in your hobbies ^^’

 

Viktor slowly furrowed his brow. Yes, he had dancing between his hobbies. Somewhere in between lots of Makkachin.

 

**ViktorN:** Yes, that’s true. Are you a dancer?

 

Viktor for the first time bothered to actually look at the guy’s profile photo. He looked...fine. He had narrow dark brown eyes, an inviting smirk at his lips, and a dark t-shirt. Probably some band shirt. His hair was too fine - sandy brown, in ‘I just woke up but I still look better than you’ style. The thing Viktor never achieved; he had tried many times. His hair was always a mess and required lots of attention and care. Under the t-shirt hid a nice slender, muscular chest. Viktor liked it.

 

A response was already waiting for him.

 

**Mikhail03:** Only in my free time. I really prefer bodybuilding. I’m a lawyer.

 

_ “Why did you say you wrote me because of dancing then?” _

**ViktorN:** Oh, that’s okay too… I guess. I’m a bit more involved in dance since I’m a...figure skater.

 

Viktor noticed his age in his main information bar. He was 25. “ _ That’s not too younger. And he is already a lawyer? Impressive. _ ”

 

**Mikhail03:** A figure skater? Oh, my. I thought so, you look so perfect and slender it couldn’t be anything else.

 

Viktor blushed. He seriously felt heat creeping up his cheeks. For the first time in years. It felt great - he didn’t have a reason to blush, and now some complete stranger with some random words was making Viktor’s blood rush to his cheeks. How pathetic!

 

**ViktorN:** Already hitting? :D

 

**Mikhail03:** Does it bother you?

 

**ViktorN:** No, nothing like that… It’s just lack of habit

 

**Mikhail03:** No way

 

**ViktorN:** ???

 

**Mikhail03:** I can’t believe people don’t hit on you with your every step sweetie

 

Viktor found himself blushing again. He was breathing through the embarrassment this guy caused him with only a few words and through the embarrassment from being embarrassed so much from it. He finally clicked on the guy’s icon to see his full profile.

 

His photos were nice. He looked nice. Viktor liked his sharp jaw and especially those deep brown eyes. Viktor loved brown eyes.

The photos were really artistic - Mikhail (was that his real name? Most likely it was…) with coffee cups from Starbucks. Mikhail with heavy smoke curling around his hair and with a cigarette in between his lips. Mikhail at cliff edges. Mikhail turned backwards in a swimsuit playing beach volleyball.  _ ”What a nice ass,” _ Viktor thought. Mikhail with some other people at bar, nice lights dancing across his symmetric face.

But something was missing, but Viktor couldn’t tell what it was.

 

**ViktorN:** No, that’s really not the case.

 

**ViktorN:** And that’s the only thing that made you write me a message? How did you find me anyway? :D

 

**Mikhail03:** You are curious aren’t you. You popped up on my feed of course…. And I thought What an angel! You really look like that, on that few photos you have on the profile.

 

**ViktorN:** Oh, right. That’s how you look for people here. You know, I’m still a bit new in this.

 

**Mikhail03:** I can see that you signed up just recently. I’ve been here a bit longer. Do you live in St. Petersburg?

 

**ViktorN:** Yes

 

**Mikhail03:** I don’t like this chatting thing very much, what do you think about meeting IRL? ;) Tomorrow I’m free.

 

Viktor was confused, but tomorrow was incidentally his day off. Why not? Mikhail was fine, and they could talk more freely in real life. Viktor didn’t like chatting either, it was too impersonal but it was necessary sometimes.

 

**ViktorN:** Lovely! How does the dog park sound? I feel like sitting on a bench and throwing a ball while talking :D

 

Till this message, Mikhail had answered him immediately. But now he was silent for five minutes. Five minutes and with every single one Viktor’s anxiety grew and grew. When he finally answered, it wasn’t any better.

 

**Mikhail03:** So you really are obsessed with that slobbery thing? What a pity

 

Viktor felt a sudden wave of anger rising in him. How could a nice guy like this call him an angel, but his beautiful Makkachin a slobbery thing?

 

**ViktorN:** What the hell do you mean? Don't you like dogs?

 

**Mikhail03:** No way I would like them. I hoped your generous amount of photos of some poodle was a joke, but you’re clearly serious. How is that possible?

 

**ViktorN:** I’m not free tomorrow. Or any other time. Bye.

 

Full of white rage Viktor clicked at _ Block the user _ button. He closed his laptop, put it down, and cuddled Makkachin on the couch for another hour to gain his energy back. He was horrified by Mikhail’s words. How was that possible?! To ask someone how it was possible to love dogs so much? It was...it was...abnormal, inhuman! To hope it was only a joke… To hope his beloved Makkachin was a joke? What kind of human was that? He could be nice, clearly clever, with a fine face, chest and ass, but a human that couldn’t love dogs was wrong. Wrong in Viktor’s eyes. His future partner must love dogs, if not as much as Viktor, at least a bit. Not able to say anything bad or wrong things about them. About his Makkachin.

 

Then he returned to his laptop and made some changes in his profile settings. He locked his profile, so no one could see what it contained, except some of the required data, like his age, profile photo, city and his preferences about partners. Only people that would send him a special request could see the rest, of course, if he allowed them. Nice setting.

 

He also changed his partner preferences.

 

**_Must LOVE dogs._ **

 

\---

 

Another week passed before he got another useful message. Two guys wanted a blowjob for money and another one asked him if he wanted to sell Makkachin to his breeding station. Viktor felt flattered and insulted at the same time - Makkachin was good enough to be in the breeding station! But did that guy really think that Viktor would sell her? Never, not even for every piece of gold on Earth.

As he came home from his morning jog, he found something new in his message box.

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** Hello :) I’m Alla! Let’s chat!

 

He saw she wanted access to his full profile too, but because of the relatively nice message she sent, he allowed it. He didn’t even get to answer her, another message beeped.

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** I LOVE your poodle! What’s the name? :33

 

**ViktorN:** Oh, do you? No wonder, she is lovely! :33 Her name’s Makkachin :3

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** And a lovely name too! :333

 

As this went on, Viktor sent her some pictures of Makkachin he didn’t upload, and today’s picture from his morning jog, as Makka chased the seagulls across the promenade. She swooned over all of them. She then sent him a picture of her own poodle girl - Zolotse - a black toy poodle. She was amazingly lovely too, and Viktor let Alla know that fact.

 

They chatted about poodles for the literally whole afternoon. Viktor finally had to excuse himself for practice but she was fine with it. On his way to the stadium, he realized he hadn’t seen yet any photos of her, only of her poodle. Not that it bothered him - she was amazing, sweet, and clearly a dog lover. He could always look for it later.

 

Which he did, as soon as he came home. His message box was empty, no new messages waiting, so nothing could delay him any longer. He took Makkachin in his lap, as had become the tradition for checking the dating site, and found her profile.

 

She had a lot of photos. Most of them were photos of her dogs and some selfies, but that wasn't the thing that caught Viktor at first. A few photos had a skinny and small figure of a girl in a sparkly outfit, as she gracefully glided across a big white area. The ice rink.

 

The photos weren’t very good, they were very blurry, but he could tell it was a small rink. Maybe some novice competition or just a local rink. But it was interesting...she hadn’t mentioned anything like this. Yes, they were talking about dogs all the time, but still. Maybe she didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe she didn’t notice ’figure skating’ in his interests because she was so obsessed with Makkachin. That only gave her bonus points, of course. Viktor decided not to mention it either.

 

Otherwise, she looked good. Maybe a bit young, around 18, but she wrote him first, so she maybe didn’t mind. Viktor was always really open-minded on this field...with some boundaries. He would never start something with someone that was Yura’s age, but this girl was older than him. Age gape here really shouldn’t matter, he was only 26. 

She had nice long brown hair, blue eyes, and bold lips, a gaze always full of confidence and nice clothing. She had her own style, and Viktor liked it. 

And there was her poodle, one of the cutest little things Viktor had ever had the pleasure to see. Makkachin would love her too for sure. He even tried to show Makka a photo of a toy poodle, but she ignored him, clearly too exhausted to care.

 

In the evening, they chatted again. She asked him about his other interests, besides dogs, and sent him a cute photo of a kitten playing with Zolotse.

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** What about these little devils? ;)

 

**ViktorN:** Cats are fine, but not really my type. One friend of mine loves them a lot, though. So I can understand their magic.

 

**Lovelyfangirl7** : And who is that friend?

 

Viktor frowned. Even if he said the name to her, how would she know who it was?

 

**ViktorN:** Do you think you know him?

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** You would be surprised, I know everyone and everything :P

 

Viktor shuddered. He felt a cold creeping up and down his spine. What did she mean?

 

**ViktorN:** Let’s talk about something else… What are you doing for a living?

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** I lead several clubs… but I’m unfortunately a student :D so no interesting work… What about you?

 

**ViktorN:** I’m not a student :D

 

For some reason, he didn’t want to talk about it with her.

 

They bid each other farewell around midnight, and Viktor went to sleep with a nice feeling that he didn’t have to block everyone that had written to him today.

 

In the morning, a surprise was waiting for him. A photo.

 

Alla had sent him a photo of herself, laying on her stomach on the bed. Her hair was gracefully spilling around her shoulders and a smirk was sitting on her lips. Behind her head, her back and ass could be seen, both in an ungodly thin sleeping clothes. Dog and cat were anywhere to be seen, only her. Strange, since they were mostly talking about them.

 

**Lovelyfangirl7:** Good morning! How did you sleep? Did you dream about poodles? :3

 

Viktor smiled about the message and started to type his answer when suddenly he noticed something. Something in the photo. On the wall, behind Alla’s legs, hung a poster. A poster, that was only innocent upon first sight. Only a bottom part of it was visible and the photo was too blurry to recognize it instantly but Viktor knew it all too well. After only a few seconds of staring he knew.

 

It was his poster, the one from his junior days at the Grand Prix Final in Bulgaria, the black costume with crystals. By now it had to be a limited edition but Alla had it. She skated too. And she wouldn’t talk about it, clearly with intention.

Viktor’s breathing shallowed.

 

Without a second thought, he blocked the girl and removed all skating-related stuff from his profile. Except the one selfie with the ice rink in the background, but there wasn’t much anyone not interested in the sport could tell from it.

 

It was awful when Yakov was right. He told him that he had to be careful, that his fans would find him. But Victor didn’t listen, as always. Now Yakov was right and Viktor was sad. Maybe Alla was just a girl, maybe she wasn’t like that mad fans that would kill each other just for a piece of his clothes. But she was something he couldn’t afford right now.

 

\---

 

Later, he decided he’d probably made a mistake with Alla. He really should have investigated some more, maybe asked her about it, or talk to her about the photos of her on the ice. He was too distant with people, it would help him to get close to someone - even if she really was one of his mad fans - to talk about things. But he had cast her away without any word, any explanation, and now he felt guilty for doing so.

Unfortunately it was too late for him. He would feel like a jerk if he renewed their communication again, and she would probably think that about him too. Fan or not.

It was the only thing he thought about all week long after it happened, and it worried him so much he started to be late for practices. Sadly, that wasn’t the only thing that triggered his beloved coach.

 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE A THEME?!” 

Yakov’s shout likely had caused an avalanche in the Alps. Viktor thought he should probably call Chris when he got home and ask him to ensure he was alright.

“I just... don't. You know I can perfect anything within a short time period,” Viktor tried to defend himself. But his coach was a storm Victor still couldn’t withstand completely unharmed.

“Stupid boy. You won some titles, so you think you have the right to be arrogant? You are sitting on a ticking bomb, young man! You have to give this season all you’ve got, it will likely be one of your last! Gather your shit and come up with at least music, or you’ll have another thing coming!” With these nice warnings Yakov stormed off and Viktor had to blink himself from a little how overwhelmed his coach left him. One of his last seasons? That meant he had to have an even better, more perfect theme, music, and choreography! The reminder didn’t help him, it only made porridge with his brain.

 

He didn’t allow himself to look at his messages for a few days, but when he did, a surprise was awaiting him.

 

**Vlad_bear** : Hello darling! Have you something to hide under that locked profile? I like secrets…

 

**ViktorN:** If you want to look, you have to deserve it… :D

 

**Vlad_bear:** Oh, do I? What do you want me to do? I am curious now ;)

 

Viktor rolled his eyes and clicked at the guy’s profile photo. He had dark brown hair, styled into a pretty wave and blue eyes. Viktor liked the dark brown hair, although the style was a bit odd, it looked nice with the guy’s oval face. What did catch his attention though, was the luxury caught in his photos. He recognized significant sights from all around the world in the background of his selfies - Paris, London, Rome, Bratislava, New York, Beijing, Rio de Janeiro, Cairo, even Las Vegas… the list went on. According to the dates, they were all added recently, like he traveled all over the world just in the recent months… And there were still more, older. Between them, there were photos of expensive cars, watches, exotic dishes and beautiful sunsets. Or sunrises? He was doing yoga on all of them.

 

_ “Wow. I’ve found myself a sugar daddy,” _ ran through Viktor’s mind when he allowed guy the access to his profile. A message came five minutes after.

 

**Vlad_bear:** You really are a beauty… Did you see my stuff?

 

**ViktorN:** Sure. You really are a worldling :D

 

**Vlad_bear:** Of course I am. I work hard for it as well. What do you do for a living?

 

Viktor sucked in a breath. Was he going to tell him the truth or not? If he lied and by some coincidence, he and the guy got together, it would be awkward. But he was a bit afraid after Alla, even if it was irrelevant. He decided for a partial truth.

 

**ViktorN:** I’m an athlete.

 

**Vlad_bear:** What a nice coincidence! I’m an athlete too! But only recreationally.

 

_ “Does he really think his recreational yoga exercises can compare to four titles of  the world champion?” _ Viktor chuckled before he immediately mentally slapped himself. He was being arrogant, as Yakov had said. He couldn’t say that to the guy either; that would be an awfully good clue about who he really was. And he was trying to avoid that, right?

 

**ViktorN:** You mean that yoga? That looked pretty cool! For how long have you been doing that?

 

**Vlad_bear:** Since high school. I attended a private one and we had some pretty cool clubs there. One of them was a yoga club, where we had a professional coach. I stayed with it, it can calm you down pretty well… And when you are as busy as I am, you need it.

 

Viktor checked his profile once more. He was 29 - only a few years older than him.  _ “A yoga club? Back then? He can’t be Russian.” _ He asked him about it, but the answer was no.

Viktor then got a lecture about private schools, how they could do and say anything they wanted and how it helped him to get the right grasp of his future. Viktor, who since elementary school has ended was mostly at home lectures and had attended school only in the off-season, was really inexperienced in this field. When he said that though…

 

**Vlad_bear:** Oh really? You lost a lot of experience by it! Why did you agree to such a system?

 

**ViktorN:** It was… necessary. Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?

 

And so Viktor spent the evening listening to the guy, Vladimir was his name. Vlad talked about himself, his travels, his work as a governor of an international commercial company, even his life problems. Viktor felt good as the listener for once - like he received a new energy, exactly what he needed for creating his programs for next season. And Vlad didn’t seem too bothered with the lack of information coming from Viktor about himself. When Vlad suggested a meeting at the end of the night, Viktor agreed.

 

**Vlad_bear:** So meet me at the restaurant we talked about, tomorrow at 20:00. And make sure not to wear green, so we don’t clash. Looking forward!

 

Viktor smiled. Green wasn’t his color anyway.

 

The next morning, he tried to be as normal as possible but Yakov noticed his excitement.

“What are you so buzzed about?” he asked him in a gruff tone after Viktor landed a combination with an oddly dreamy expression on his face.

“I might have found a new source of...inspiration,” he said with a vague smile, and Yakov frowned with his eyebrows. “It better be good. You are running out of time, Vitya.”

Viktor didn’t bother to sigh over the reminder.

 

The evening came quickly. Viktor dressed in black, so as not to clash with Vlad’s green. He arrived in front of the restaurant five minutes earlier like he was asked. It wasn’t so far from his apartment so he decided to walk there - as his own form of calming yoga. Victor was surprised when he arrived sooner than planned and despite that he found Vlad standing in front of the door. He couldn’t be anyone else - that wavy hair was outstanding.

“Hello, you must be Vlad,” Viktor said with a little smile on his lips and he raised his hand to shake. A mischievous smile appeared on Vlad’s lips and then Viktor found his hand raised up to Vlad’s mouth. A kiss was placed on the temple of his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Viktor,” Vlad said and Viktor felt himself blush a bit. It was dark outside but Vlad’s smile told him he noticed. “Shall we go inside now that you’ve finally arrived?” Vlad still held his hand, as he opened the door with his other, and Viktor nodded. He noticed the mockery in Vlad’s voice, but he didn’t want to ruin his first date in forever with the improper comment about it.

They sat, ordered their drinks and started their conversation… More like a monologue. Vlad started with Viktor’s looks (mostly his outfit), he admired it with a few words, but then he turned the topic back to himself. Where he got the green sweater he wore, how he thought green went well with black, and how great the sweater looked with black jeans. He decided for dark blue today though because they were airier and he didn’t want to sweat in skinny black ones. Colours and shapes always mattered, as commercial creators always say. Every detail was important. Like, in his work, every piece they produce had to be perfect. The mood was created by looks, and you had to make the product you were advertising the most unforgettable thing the customer had ever seen. You had to make him want it, no matter the money, no matter what. You had to make him  _ need _ it. Like last week, they had this customer…

 

Viktor’s head was spinning slightly after ten minutes. The endless flow of words, wavy like Vlad’s haircut, forced itself into Viktor’s ears and he slowly started to feel like he has been punched several times with the fridge. It had to stop. He couldn’t just sit here, listen and smile and nod for the whole evening. He had to interrupt!

 

“So that’s why...when you are doing a food ad… There are always people eating and...smiling?”

 

That was the stupidest question Viktor had ever let out of his mouth, but it worked. Vlad finally stopped talking, blinked, really started to think about what to answer and let Viktor’s brain heal the most severe of the damage.

“Of course… It is the reason why the people are smiling and...enjoying themselves there. Because pleasure is the thing that sells.” There was a small break before Vlad smiled. “You really do have an interest in this stuff?”

Viktor choked on his tongue a bit, but then he returned the smile. “Not really, that’s why I haven’t attended any sort of marketing college.”

“And have you attended any college at all?”

“No time, I was always too busy with winning.”

 

Vlad’s smile turned a bit colder than it should. “So the stereotypes are true, aren’t they?”

Viktor felt a cold creeping down his spine. Whatever Vlad had in mind, it clearly wasn’t flattering.

_ “All because I interrupted him? What a...jerk!” _

“What do you want to do after a dinner?” Viktor asked after a very uncomfortable period of silence, while their plates were set in front of them, full of delicious food.

“Since it was me that recommended the restaurant, I thought you might be the one to choose our next location,” Vlad answered, digging his fork into his pasta. “Unless you don’t have the idea and you want to leave it to me…” The tone of his voice and the way his gaze was laying on Viktor, it all implied one thing:  _ You better say you want to leave it to me. You better not interrupt my plans too. I was only trying to be polite, as to be better than you. _

And the one Viktor wasn’t positive of, but he was sure it was there:  _ Do not fuck it up, I was looking forward to ravishing that nice athlete body of yours. _

 

Viktor felt his body go stiff. His mouth formed into the shape of a heart. “I actually think I have the perfect location for us to go!”

The little clouds with flashes of lightning, like the ones on weather reports, appeared in Vlad’s eyes. “And that is…?”

“An ice rink!”

Vlad laughed, his mouth stuffed full of pasta. He rested his back on the chair. “You sportsmen are the worst workaholics, aren’t you?”

“Oh, no!” Viktor laughed along. “I’m skating only recreationally. Nothing special, really.”

“Really? Then you’ll have to try a lot when you want to keep up with me! I was really good at ice skating in the high school, we had a seasonal club where we tried all sorts of winter sports, and only a week on the ice earned me the nickname Ice Bear!” Vlad wiggled his eyebrows, and continued in his monologue. Viktor just listened, with mischievous sparkles in his eyes.

 

All bad vibes were gone by the time they were getting into Vlad’s car (a fact Vlad didn’t forget to comment on because Viktor didn’t have his car with him.) “You know, I envy you because you are able to live from someone else’s money and then pay them back with your body. The economics of sportsmen must be so hard to adapt to all the time… Especially when you're off-season, you get nothing, no? I changed my mind, I don’t envy you.” Viktor had to bite his cheek to stay quiet, but he ignored him successfully. They headed to a location of one of the smaller rinks, that Viktor knew would be open this late in the evening. They couldn’t just walk to his home rink, some of his rinkmates or staff could be there and let the cat out of the bag too soon. They knew him in all the rinks anyway, but the less, the better. They probably wouldn’t know Vlad, but Viktor was sure Vlad would be very surprised about it. Who wouldn’t know the famous Ice Bear? From how he was talking about his skills, Viktor felt like he totally should give him all his medals, because there was no way Victor deserved them when Vlad existed. Absolutely. No. Way. Maybe that’s why the bad vibes were gone too.

 

Vlad’s mouth didn’t stop even when he was driving. Viktor sat, and listened to the lecture about the importance of having branded GPS because the cheap ones suck. They could lead you somewhere completely wrong without you noticing and making you need much more gasoline than you should because the government is living off of this money. Vlad’s GPS looked more sophisticated than Viktor’s phone.

Getting out of the car made Vlad shut up and Viktor let out a little sigh of relief when the car parked in front of the stadium. His ears had almost started to bleed this time.

 

They entered the stadium entrance hall, lighted with dampened fluorescent lamps. The young girl at the counter looked as bored as she would be in her math class. When she heard the clanking sound as the doors closed behind them, she started to monotonously speak, without turning her head decorated with bright red ponytails from her phone. 

“Welcome to the stadium, we are closing in a half an hour, but if you are willing to go on the ice anyway, you are still paying for a full hour, skates are an extra fee.”

Vlad seemed to want to object, but Viktor grabbed him by the sleeve and dedicated the lady a little too sour smile. “That’s totally fine with us. Is anybody else out there?”

She again didn’t raise her glance, just kept tapping on the phone with a bored expression. “I don’t believe so.”

Viktor forced Vlad with a sweet smile to tell her his foot size (it was way smaller than Viktor expected), and he did so too. Soon she brought them two pairs of used up skates. “That will be 600 rubles.”

 

As they both gave her money, and she was placing it in the cash register, she mumbled: “Have fun…” and glanced at them. Viktor was looking her in the eyes the moment it happened and could tell when she immediately knew it was him. Her blue eyes widened so much Viktor was afraid they would fall out, and her mouth opened in imitation of a gasping fish. Viktor quickly grabbed the skates, gave her a wink with a little smile and he pushed Vlad towards the locker room.

“What was that?” he asked suspiciously, as he looked around the locker room. Viktor laughed. “Maybe I’ve got something on my face and you just failed to warn me.” He waved his hand and slipped easily into the skates like he’d been doing it for his whole life. Actually, he had been.

“You don’t sweetie. I would never let you go be by my side with something on your face.” Vlad winked at him, as he struggled with his own skates. It was a nice flirting line, but all Viktor could hear was how Vlad wouldn’t let his perfect picture be humiliated by a piece of pasta on the face of his partner. How transparent.

 

They entered the rink. The cold air bit at the Viktor’s cheeks, and he let out a quiet sigh of relief. This… This was where he truly belonged. On the ice, near it, surrounded by it. Not in some expensive car with a guy with an expensive haircut and even more expensive watches and GPS. Not talking about the most expensive thing this guy clearly possessed - his ego. And that was the thing Viktor was going to crush with his - like Yuri would say - dangerous knife shoes.

He stepped out on the ice. It was as easy as the walking - maybe even easier. He did a little twirl after he skated a few meters forward, and he faced Vlad still standing outside the ice at the steps.

 

“You goin’?” Victor flashed Vlad another heart-shaped smile and held out his left hand.

“I can do it myself.” Vlad cast his hand and a sneer before he stepped on the ice. He managed to stand still on both feet without grabbing anything, but as he attempted to move to Viktor…

“Auch!” he wailed, as Viktor grabbed his forearm, saving him from making a split.

“Skills can get pretty rusty, can’t they?” Viktor smiled politely and helped the man to his feet. “C’mon, I’m sure you can do it, it’s like swimming. You can’t forget it. Just remember your Ice Bear days. You’ll be fine.” Vlad got a wink from him before Viktor was suddenly gone, cold air biting at his forearm, and his legs repelling each other like the same poles of two magnets. As he tried to move to Viktor, who was suddenly at the other side of the rink, doing eights, circles, and spirals, either on two legs or just one, or skating forward or backward he fell. And there was no one to catch him.

 

“Uhh…” Viktor heard Vlad’s moaning across the rink. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“We already paid for this… If you didn’t want to do this you should’ve said something!”

Vlad got himself somehow on his knees. His branded jeans were slowly getting wet and that would damage them soon. “You know the money aren’t the issue for me. We can always change the plans.”

Viktor stopped whatever he was doing and suddenly appeared back at his side. “You know, you can always ask for help if you aren’t thriving…”

“I don’t need any help, I can handle this on my own. I was the best skater at…”

“...at some private high school club. And you know what? There are plenty of them. There are plenty of private schools, with their winter sports clubs, with their skating champions. Does that make you stand out? No. Does that make you a good skater? No. Show me ten people from Africa that had never seen the ice, and I will show you which one of them is the best skater. Would you compare them to yourself?” Viktor paused himself, as Vlad was staring in clear disbelief at him.

“You would be the master of the world over them. But try for once not to compare yourself with African people, with people that are worse than you… Try to compare yourself with equals, or better ones. You will see it for yourself.”

Vlad somehow got to his feet at extremely high speed, and his expression was clearly full of white rage. “How dare you, a sport brake nobody, to mock me? A rich and powerful man? Do you really have no brain in that pretty head of yours?”

Viktor felt strangely calm, as he approached Vlad’s chest with his hand outstretched. “I’m not mocking you. In fact, I’m sorry for you. You think so hard of how awesome you think are, that you buried the truly awesome person you could be… Why are you so full of a fake self?”

“You don’t know anything, so stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong!”

“You don’t need all that fake tinsel to impress someone. If you want to date someone, even for one night stand, you can do it with your own charm, you don’t need to pile one lie on top of another, and…”

 

Whatever Viktor was going to say after was forever forgotten when Vlad forcefully grabbed Viktor’s wrist and pushed him to the ground. Viktor slipped and landed hard on his butt.

“You really can’t stop, right? You just ruined everything, you brat!” Vlad pointed a finger at him, hovering over him like a Kodiak bear Viktor just stared at him, unable to feel rage.

“I really do feel sorry for you.”

Vlad growled and struck with his fist, right at Viktor’s face. Only Viktor’s quick reflexes saved him from a bruise on his cheek - he caught Vlad’s wrist and shook his head.

“I wouldn’t do that,” he said calmly.

Vlad sneered again just like a dog. “You will pay dearly for this!”

 

And with that nice sentence, he stormed off. Luckily for him, the exit of the ice area wasn’t so far though he almost fell only twice before he got to it.

When Viktor returned to the dressing room, Vlad was nowhere to be found, and his things either. Viktor slowly, suddenly felt so old and tired, took off the skates and returned them to the girl at the counter.

“Do you know when my friend left?” he asked her with a thoughtful expression.

“Right after he finished shouting,” girl said, leaning on her elbows against the counter. “Are you alright, Mr. Nikiforov?”

He chuckled. “You heard?”

“I’m sorry for it but it was impossible not to hear you two.”

Viktor released the tension in his shoulders with a sigh. “That’s alright.”

“By the way, do you mind signing my notebook?”

He faced her, smiled as he saw her puppy eyes, and shook his head. “Of course not. Bring it here.”

 

When he came home he had a lot to think about. First, he checked the dating site - Vlad had already blocked him. His first block from someone else; how memorable.

He realized a few things.

Firstly, it was truly an idiocy to agree to meet so soon. Despite Vlad having talked all of the previous evening about himself, Viktor didn’t know a damn thing about him. Vlad could have been even worse than he actually was.

Secondly, he had to make sure he knew enough about the person to meet them, he had to be sure the person knew enough about him. The way Vlad thought about him that he was stupid, only because it was a sportsmen stereotype to be a little stupid and a few dumb questions he let out of his mouth, was ridiculous. He has to truly know the person he was meeting, at least partially. He needed to be sure that they were perfect for him, because even Vlad was a capital jerk, at the end of it Viktor was a little bit sad about how it had ended.

At least, he could blame the fact that he didn’t get laid. Again.

And lastly, he had to follow his own lectures.  _ “You think so hard about of how awesome you are, that you buried the truly awesome person you could be…” _ He was doing it too. For a long time. It had to end because otherwise it would destroy him.

All he needed to start was a little bit of love.

 

\---

 

Despite Victor’s decision that he needed someone to love to truly getting rid of his fake self, he needed to take a break from the site. Instead, he decided to dedicate all of his minutes to the only thing he knew and could do properly.

As the sun rose he was already sipping his coffee and preparing his breakfast and lunch in advance. He packed his skating bag, woke up Makkachin and took her with him on his morning jog. When he came back, Makka went back to sleep and he went to the rink. With the keys to the back door, it wasn’t difficult to get inside so early in the morning. He prepared his things and was already warming up, gliding across the fresh ice with headphones in his ears while morning traffic peaked around him, trying to randomly move his body in pace with the music, attempting to create a choreography. But nothing felt good, any of melodies, any of his movements.

Eventually, he had to get back to real practice, when Yakov came in.

“You are sad again, Vitya,” he commented in his usual gruff tone when Viktor skated by. “You aren’t troubling yourself again, are you?”

Viktor shook his head with the sigh. “No… I just don’t know what I should do, what path to choose.”

“As your coach, I should yell at you again because the only thing you should do is finally choreograph your programs… But as a person that really cares about you, I think you should do what you know you won’t regret afterward. You don’t need more sorrow in your life, Vitya.”

Viktor sadly smiled.

As he came home, he walked Makkachin, he fed her and himself, and then they fell asleep while cuddling in the bed. Viktor always knew, what he was craving, but now he felt it more than he ever did in his life before.

 

**ComingSoon:** Heeeello darling! What a nice doggo of yours! But you know, I’d rather see your sweet face, cause that is the one I would be dating ;)))

 

**ViktorN:** Chris, I know it’s you.

 

**ComingSoon:** Oh, C'mon! What gave me out?

 

**ViktorN:** My rich knowledge of your behavior coming from ten years of experience

 

**ComingSoon:** Crap, so I don’t get to flirt with you, shine with my new pick up lines, go on a glamorous first date and eventually get you into my spacious bed?

 

**ViktorN:** You know I would love to, but we are 3000 km apart, dude. And I can’t believe YOU are so lonely that you’d get on that five hours flight just because of my pretty ass.

 

**ComingSoon:** You’re right, I’m not, but you clearly are.

 

**ComingSoon:** A dating site? Seriously Viktor? You know you usually don’t meet the love of life here, right?

 

**ViktorN:** I know, there had been some failures, but I’m a patient man, Chris :)

 

**ComingSoon:** What? Failures? Tell me everything dude.

 

And Viktor did. He spilled everything to Chris, even how vulnerable he felt about his next season. Technically, Chris was his rival so he wasn’t supposed to tell him that but he was his best friend too. And he trusted him with almost everything.

 

**ComingSoon:** It sure all sounds awful… But according to what you said to me, you just had a bad experience. That’s a good sign! I think your next one is going to be worth it. Don’t give up… And if anything happens, you know I am capable of hopping on a plane in any second for your nice butt.

 

Viktor smiled. Sometimes, you just need a bit of sexual humor with your best friend to make your life better. He suddenly felt like he should try it, explore a bit himself, not just...wait. Yes, that could do.

 

\---

 

It happened more accidentally than purposefully. He was just scrolling through his recommendations, the people he might like enough to write them a message. But his mind, normally finding even Yakov a bit adorable, now wasn’t okay with anyone. 

_ Too triangle face, too weird hairstyle, eyes too close to each other… Oh my god, that piercing is awful on her! Maybe if he had a piercing in his lip, he would be cute, but like this… What about those eyebrows?! _

 

As he was clicking on the right arrow to move forward on the site, likely about the fifth time that day, he accidentally clicked near a profile, opening it. Viktor’s immediate reaction was to try to get back to the feed but something caught his attention.

 

Of course, it was a dog.

 

A little, tiny Maltese dog, so tiny it fit into the girl’s hand. On her profile photo, a selfie, she was holding a dog in front of her mouth with one hand, and holding a camera in another, while the dog was clearly trying to lick her nose. It was ruining the photo, but it was so cute it didn’t even matter. From behind the dog was peeking the brightest brown eyes Viktor had ever seen. A girl with dark brown hair, long only slightly past her chin, cut in a Mikado hairstyle, with black rimmed glasses stuck above her fringe. She had darker skin than he would ever expect from a Russian, but not much.  _ Maybe… south Slavic? _ Her photos and data were hidden, just like his, and all he could see were her nickname, age, and whereabouts.

_ BlagPie; Age: 21, Location: St. Petersburg _

 

Viktor felt like a whole new world opened in front of him. She was very close to him! For the first time in his life, he hit on the dating site the  _ Message me! _ button.

There another dilemma occurred.

_ What to write in the first message? _

Viktor felt a little bit confused about his sudden determination not to ruin his chance. First impressions were very important, especially on the internet dating field. Therefore, the first message was important. He asked Makkachin, whose only answer was a lick on the tip of his nose; he even called Yakov, but all he got was a sneer and a steady beeping of canceled call.

Then, he decided that with simplicity he can’t ruin anything.

 

**ViktorN:** Hello! I’m Viktor! You have so cute doggo! :333

 

It took a while, to get an answer. It was probably common while being the one sending the first message - waiting was a lot longer. This was the first time Viktor did it though. But he got what he was waiting for, after a few hours.

 

**BlagPie:** Hello! Thank you, that’s so sweet of you! Yours is adorable too! :3

 

**BlagPie:** Do you have more photos of him on your profile?

 

**ViktorN:** Of course! Let me show you!

 

She sent him a request to access right away, and Viktor immediately accepted it. A message came after a while.

 

**BlagPie:** I love her so much! What is her name?

 

Viktor felt like he had died and gone to heaven. The girl was clearly competent enough to say Makkachin was a girl. That was a rarity nowadays.

 

**ViktorN:** Her name’s Makkachin. What about the little one? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a cute puppy!

 

**BlagPie:** Her name is Dima, and she is three months old! :3 What about Makkachin when she was a puppy? 

 

**ViktorN:** I found her when she was already 2 years old, that is far from a puppy :D She is really a grown-up damsel :3

 

Viktor again spent his evening chatting about dogs. Blaga (as she introduced herself) was clearly very skilled, working around animals for her whole life. According to her, her dad was a vet. Dima wasn’t her only dog, it was one of her five dogs. Viktor could fee himself melting when she allowed him access to her profile, and he found a photo of all her dogs around one bowl of water. So cute!

 

And as he discovered, she was a student and a salsa dancer. But she was changing her dance partners constantly because no one could keep up with her. At least her school is still the same one. She is at the vet university, studying externally.

 

**ViktorN:** I really know how do you feel. I am a figure skater, and in my junior days, I was just like this.

 

**BlagPie:** Without friends?  >.<

 

**ViktorN:** ...exactly :D To be honest, I am like that until today

 

**BlagPie:** Oh, really? I am sorry for pulling this up… :( It was mean

 

**ViktorN:** No no, that’s okay, I’m not mad or anything :3

 

They had to end quite early because Blaga had to get up early tomorrow. She had something urgent to attend, and Viktor didn’t want to ask and make her shy away. 

Of course, Viktor should go to bed too, but he couldn’t fall asleep. He kept thinking about her. How sweet she was. And how they understood each other. He really wanted to meet her… But he decided to wait. He really didn’t want to relive blocking Alla and the regret following up. Besides, he had promised it to himself and he doubted Blaga would agree to meet him after only a day of internet communication. She seemed too shy and serious for something reckless like that - and Viktor liked it.

 

The days flew like water and Viktor suddenly realized he knew Blaga for a week already. She was really shy at first - every message that wasn’t about her dogs he had to rile up from her  _ (mostly with offering information about himself in exchange for information about her) _ . But later, as days went, chatting with her became easier - they always successfully found a common topic. If they couldn’t find a common topic, he could discuss anything with her. After a few days, their conversation somehow came to emotional problems topic, and Viktor spilled to her everything about his chronic depressions, about his loneliness and about his lack of inspiration. She was so understanding, soft and she clearly knew what she was doing - after her soothing words he felt better than from any therapist he ever went to. He felt better than after a bottle of vodka. 

He just had to ask after a week.

 

**ViktorN:** Can I ask you something? 

 

**BlagPie:** Of course :)

 

Viktor gulped down his anxiety and slowly started to type.

 

**ViktorN:** What do you think about us...meeting IRL? 

 

There was a silence. Viktor panicked.

 

**ViktorN:** We don’t have to, of course, only if you want! I was thinking about going to dog park, or out for ice cream, or anything you would want…

 

**BlagPie:** I do… actually, think it’s a great idea! I wanted to ask you too, but I didn’t know how you would react… The dog park is great! :3

 

Viktor this time for real felt his heart melt.

 

The day D  _ (day Date)  _ had started rather miserably. He stayed awake too long the day before, practicing some lines in the shower, deciding what to wear and again swooning over photos of Blaga’s dogs - so he overslept past his alarm set for noon the next day and he had to prepare quicker than he should. What luck he had prepared his clothes in advance!

The next unfortunate thing that happened - he had forgotten Makkachin at home. He was so in hurry, he just left his dog home and went to the dog park by himself. Of course, he realized nothing was tugging at his hand when he entered the street, but he felt really awkward when he had to come back for his pooch. She wasn’t mad, she licked him as usual when he opened the door, so no reason to be sad for Viktor. Except, he arrived at a dog park gate ten minutes late. 

It was empty. No Blaga, no Dima. A sigh of relief escaped his lips.

As minutes passed, anxious thoughts started to fill his brain.  _ What if she already left? And she hated him for abandoning her? What kind of person is he? He has to think of an apology for her, lose her like that is pretty stupid, isn’t it? Oh god, this is horrible… _

 

Someone tapped his shoulder from behind and pulled Victor from his thoughts. As he turned, he had to lower his gaze, because the person standing behind him was almost two heads shorter than he was.

“Hello Viktor!” Blaga said with a light blush on her cheeks and the little pup in her hands yipped to greet them too. 

“Hi Blaga, it’s very nice to meet you in person.” Viktor smiled and his smile immediately formed  the shape of a heart. He couldn’t smile any differently, when he finally could see Blaga in another way than on a few selfies she had on the profile. In every single one, she had the majority of her face covered with a different dog. Not that it mattered to Viktor.

She was really short. She had said that to Viktor before, but he thought she was only exaggerating. She wasn’t. She wore a thin skinny sweater with a short jeans vest, that was giving out her slim waist and smaller boobs, and short jeans. Despite her height, her legs were long, ideal for the dancer. Her face was perfect, symmetric, round and her black rimmed glasses felt like the cherry on the top of the cake. Viktor, suddenly overwhelmed with an urge, held out a right hand. She immediately put Dima into her left hand, to pass him her right one. He didn’t shake it but brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of her hand. 

_ No, he certainly hasn’t this move from Vlad, impossible. _

“Ah!” she yelped, like a god, and blushed a bit. “I’m so sorry for arriving so late! I had something in the morning, and it prolonged more than I expected… Were you waiting for long?”

Viktor shook his head. “Not at all, don’t worry about it. Let’s go!”

 

They walked their dogs through the park, Makkachin and Dima quickly befriended each other and they happily played during their whole walk. Viktor and Blaga started with light chat, as smoothly as through the internet. 

“I was thinking about your inspiration problem you’ve been talking about… So I watched some of your performances yesterday. And honestly, they are all beautiful. I think if you could remember what lead you back then, you should be able to regain your strength,” Blaga said seriously when they were heading to the ice cream stand.

“I know… I tried… But there is the thing with my surprises… I need to always come up with something new, to surprise the people… Otherwise, I will no longer be interesting to them. It was weakening by the time… And now, I can do anything but no one is surprised anymore,” Viktor sighed. Blaga let out a little laugh. “And what about you tried to renew something you already did? That would be surprising enough, wouldn’t it? And you clearly have a lot to choose from, your career has been long.” Viktor felt something cling in his head. Was this the solution? Surprise the audience with pulling up something old, and making it better? He certainly never did it before. But what if he failed? Like those gross remake movies that were appearing in mass the last few years.

“I’ll think about it,” he assured her, and she nodded with gleaming eyes and smile.

They laughed, ate the delicious ice cream, helped little Dima detangle from the bush, and then they sat on the bench and just watched dogs catching each other. The happy yipping filled their ears and it was one of the most peaceful and happiest sounds Viktor had heard for a long time.

 

“They sure are full of life,” he commented when Makkachin nudged Dima with her nose to make her tumble for the third time, and little Dima happily licked Makka’s nose afterward.

“It’s sometimes exhausting… But I love it,” Blaga said after a while of silence with a little smile on her lips.

“What do you mean?” Viktor asked, looking at her, and instantly fighting the urge to clean a little drop of vanilla ice cream on her cheek with his thumb. Or better, with his tongue.

She smiled, with melancholic sadness in her eyes. “Life.”

Viktor didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. She didn’t seem sad, but she was sad. Why was she doing it to him? He never was good in reassuring others, not in the way she was. Where did she get the reason to look so sad so suddenly?

“Blaga?”

“Hmm?” she turned her head to face him.

“Was is something I’ve said?”

“What?” she snapped, clearly confused.

“No, I mean… You were so sad suddenly and I thought I’ve ruined something…”

She blinked. “No, it wasn’t you… I’m sorry, I just…”

“Could I kiss you?”

 

She was surprised by the quick request, he saw it in her eyes, but Viktor felt like it was a right thing to do. Like an instinct. “I thought it is a taboo on the first date…” she smiled and shifted on the bench, to face him with the chest.

“That’s not about kisses, but sex, and I’m not some horny idiot to try to do the taboo things on the first date.” Viktor returned the smile. “But if you don’t want, we don’t have to, I’m sorry for…”

 

He stopped, as he felt hands on his collarbones, gripping the hem of his shirt and pulling him down. “Better now than never,” she whispered into his mouth, right before she kissed him. They melted into each other, barely knowing themselves, but now Viktor felt like he knew Blaga for a really long time. Maybe he had, their souls knew each other or something. He never quite believed in this stuff, but he was a big romantic. And this was really romantic. He hoped the moment would never end. Her lips were soft, warm, and exactly what Viktor needed.

It felt amazing, to hold her body close to his, to feel her breath on his neck, and comforting weight of her body on his thighs, as she climbed on him after a kiss. They didn’t out, just cuddled. The moment was so long Viktor felt like falling asleep with his head against her hair  _ (it smelled lovely) _ , but then their dogs returned happily to the bench, both pleasantly exhausted, panting with their tongues peeking out, they knew they had to say goodbye. 

“What about the second date, just the two of us? I know a great restaurant,” Viktor winked at her, and she laughed. 

“I’ll send you a message.” She stood on her toes, he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her a bit before she kissed his cheek. He felt the kiss there for a long time after they actually parted.

“Goodbye,” she said to him with a sly smile.

 

Everything continued normally. They chatted that evening, and the next day, and the day after that too… 

But then something happened. Something totally unexpected and unacceptable for Viktor.

 

Blaga was usually up earlier than him, leaving him a good morning message, which always made his day so much better. She always used another emoji, and he found it so sweet, he just had to smile every time. But that morning he found nothing. No good morning message. The last message he saw was:

 

**BlagPie:** Good night Vitya :* :* :*

 

He remembered how he swooned when he saw that. He told her to call him Vitya just a few messages before that and to see her use it for the first time really cooked his brain for a while. She was day by day less shy with him, and he loved it about their sprouting relationship. That she was willing to show him the side of her probably no one had seen before.

 

**ViktorN:** Good morning! How did you sleep? 

 

He started get ready for practice, trying not to worry. She could just have overslept. It happens, to him too.

No answer came. And Viktor’s worries grew a bit.

He checked it in every free moment he had. During his lunch, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore and sent her another message.

 

**ViktorN:** I’m just having a lunch… How is your day so far? I was trying the thing you told me, to choose something from my past to perform again, but nothing feels right yet… But I have a lot of other untried options :D Write me soon, I miss you :3

 

The messages weren’t answered nor seen when he checked after he got home from practice. No sign of her. He tried again.

 

**ViktorN:** I just got home… And I hope you are alright, you haven’t been online since yesterday… Please let me know about yourself soon. <3

 

When in the morning he discovered nothing, his chest clenched with worry

 

**ViktorN:** I really hope you are alright, Blag… Please let me know something, I am worried :(

 

When he again couldn’t get any reaction from her for the entire day, he was really worried, his chest clenching painfully and his head throbbing with black thoughts, but he couldn’t do anything else but spam her chatbox with his worries. He didn’t have her phone number or email address and now he was cursing himself for not asking for her number. All he had, was the dating site chat, where she wasn’t online for two days.

 

As the number of days kept rising, something inside told Viktor that even her number wouldn’t help him. He pushed the feeling aside, and tried again, again, and again.

 

Viktor gave up after two weeks after he saw an obituary in the newspapers.

 

\---

 

A soft knock at his bedroom door tugs him from the deepest of sleep. He blinked, eyes hardly accommodating to the gloom in the room. His curtains and windows were closed, restraining every ray of light or sound that could come from outside world. The outside world, cruel and cold and unfair. He hated it.

The door creaked when the somebody standing outside it peaked in. Viktor didn’t need to untangle himself from his warm and comfy burrito of blankets. He didn’t need to turn his head. He knew who it is.

“Vitya… I’ve brought you some new food… You can’t refuse it for so long, you’ll make yourself terribly sick.” Milla’s soft voice filled the room, quiet, yet too loud for Viktor’s ears, making him flinch and bury himself further into his burrito.

He heard Milla’s sigh. She came across the room and settled the new tray at the nightstand. With the other hand, she took the old one, untouched. Viktor barely had eaten one whole meal per day in the past week. Milla understood. She knew how difficult heartbreak could be. It was impressive, how strong it was in Viktor’s case, especially when he knew Blaga for only a month. Of which they’d talked about a week and dated for three days. Before she died.

 

Now Viktor was heartbroken, depressed and damaged, and they had to take shifts in caring for him. Every day, in the morning, making sure he eats a bit and showers, in the lunch bring him some food and try to talk to him, maybe leave him to cry in their hugs, and in the evening the same. At least that was Milla’s schedule. God knows what Georgi, Yura and coach Yakov did with him because Viktor wasn’t better even after a week of being off the ice.

 

Milla outstretched her hand and gently caressed Viktor’s sweat dampened hair. He didn’t move. “Vitya, do you want to talk to me?” She felt a little shake of his head under her fingers. “What about a hug, hmm? I have a free afternoon, I can stay here and you can sleep in my hug,” she offered, with a hopeful tone, and caressed his hair again.

Then, when she was sure Viktor wasn’t going to answer, she heard a really quiet whisper.

“I’d like that…”

Milla smiled, sat on a bed and rested her back on the forehead of the bed, and took the burrito into her strong hands. The Viktor-burrito curled up in her embrace, resting his head on her shoulder and Milla began to constantly caress his hair. From time to time she whispered a soothing words, she rocked him, and eventually, he fell asleep with dried tears on his cheeks.

 

When he woke up, he got up to pee and an intimidating smell caught his nose. As he discovered, it was Milla, cooking in the kitchen. She smiled brightly when she spotted him, he almost flinched. “You actually came out of bed on your own! What a miracle! Come here and sit, I’m almost finished!”

 

He obeyed her and the kitchen fell into silence. A few minutes later Milla set a plate of the food, rightly filled only to half, and she set her plate next to him. As they ate, no one said anything, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable or awkward silence. It was a comfortable one. Viktor truly needed it. As he set his spoon down, he finally felt the tension in his spine and shoulders go away.

 

“Milla,” he heard himself say, with a voice rough from a week of crying. 

“Yes Vitya?” she asked softly, as she cleaned up the table.

“Am I cursed?”

 

There was silence, while Milla set the plates into the sink, washed her hands and returned to Viktor. “I don’t think you’re cursed Vitya… You just had some bad luck. Things like that happen. You just have to let it go. You can’t blame yourself for what happened, that’s…”

“I know it wasn’t my fault. It’s just…” He paused and his shoulders went down. How could he explain to Milla that stinging, gross cold feeling eating him alive for a whole week? He couldn’t. She wouldn’t understand. No one would.

Milla sighed and patted his shoulder. “Relax a bit Vitya. Watch some movie, maybe one those cringy Disney Channel romantic comedies. Remember Ice Princess? You liked it very much back then. I’ve brought you a DVD.” She pulled a DVD cover out of her purse and laid in on the table. “Treat yourself a bit. I have to go now, but Georgi will come in the morning, okay?” She kissed his cheek and left the kitchen. Viktor didn’t move till he heard the click of the door, signaling that Milla left the apartment.

He went back to bed, with tears stinging in the corners of his eyes.

 

When he woke up, it had to be the middle of the night, but the time didn’t matter to him that much in this state. But what did matter, was the urge. The sudden urge, he sometimes had, when depressed. For a change he didn’t want to crawl into bed and sleep all day and night long, he wanted to  _ go out  _ and  _ talk to strangers  _ and  _ have fun.  _ And he knew a very good place for it.

 

**FancyM8:** Hello cutie! Doggo is nice, but what about you? ;)

 

The guy’s profile was fully public, so Viktor took a look before answering. He looked average, not ugly, not extremely beautiful. Clearly caring a lot about his brown locks, short right under his chin. His blue eyes were really expressive. He had only a few photos in his gallery, but he clearly drank often and liked the bars and clubs. A majority of his profile was about these activities. Perfect, exactly what Viktor needed.

He allowed him access to his profile, and then answered the message, sent two days before.

 

**ViktorN:** What about me? O:)

 

**FancyM8:** Whoa… Better than I expected. What does the angel like you do in the hellish hole of internet dating? Plus, this late?

 

**ViktorN:** Searching for some company, maybe someone to listen, maybe a drinking partner, what else?

 

**FancyM8:** Sounds like a challenge. I can be all three if you choose me :P I’m great at keeping someone company, I’m a professional therapist, and drinking is my free time hobby ;)

 

Viktor’s train of wild thoughts suddenly stopped. Was he really going to tell the guy everything? Someone totally unknown, maybe a creep, clearly not so responsible?

Yes, he was absolutely going to tell him.

Screw it all.

 

**ViktorN:** You’ve been chosen to participate in my awakening, congratz :D

 

**FancyM8:** Awakening? Are you an angel AND a sleeping beauty? I don’t think I can survive that

 

**ViktorN:** Trust me, you can.

 

**FancyM8:** So, what happened?

 

Viktor told him in a few long messages everything. How he was lonely and uninspired, how he tried the dating site, how he met Mikhail, Alla, Vlad and how they all showed him what he clearly didn’t want in his life, what he has to get rid of at all costs. Otherwise, he would never be happy.

And then he started to talk about Blaga, and as he typed, he could feel tears against his cheeks again.

 

**ViktorN:** Fuck, I’m crying again… :D Sorry for the delay, I just see badly right now

 

**FancyM8:** That’s alright sweetie, just continue 

 

Viktor did, Viktor told him everything and for the whole time he 100% realized he probably had made a mistake. Especially if he really was meeting the guy. But he never reacted weird, Viktor had the feeling he was really reading all his ranting messages and listening to him. It made his broken heart a little bit warmer.

 

**FancyM8:** And do you know why she disappeared? It sounds like she was just another bitch playing with you…

 

He was even protective of him! How sweet. But he was wrong, so very wrong.

 

**ViktorN:** She died. Cancer took her.

 

There was silence for a while.

 

**FancyM8:** Oh god dude, I’m sorry I said that before…

 

**ViktorN:** That’s alright, you didn’t know… It was kinda sweet, you being so protective :D

 

**FancyM8:** You just bared your soul for me, sweetie. That’s the thing even my mother wasn’t able to do. You deserve some protection.

 

**ViktorN:** By the way… What’s your name? :D

 

**FancyM8:** I’m Tom <3 I think I’ve figured you out, Vitya. Nice to meet you.

 

**ViktorN:** Same :3

 

As the horizon started to lighten, they agreed on a meeting. At the evening, in the bar only a few blocks away from Viktor’s apartment. 

 

To be honest, when Georgi woke Viktor up only after an hour of sleep, he felt terrible and started to pity a bit of his impulsive meeting plans. He didn’t tell Georgi. Maybe they would freak out and forbid him from going to the meeting because despite his doubts, that came with sleep, he wanted to go. And he would, without telling them. He may be depressed and therefore a little unable to take care of himself, but he knew what he wanted and he was going to get it. As always.

 

_ It normally was a good sign of him healing from his depressions, to manifest his usual personality traits again. _

 

He was successful in keeping his mysterious meeting secret, and right after Georgi left in the evening, convinced about Viktor eating his dinner properly, Viktor started to prepare himself - he showered, dressed in jeans and his leather jacket  _ (casual AND clubbing outfit!) _ . He glided out of the house right on time. He entered the little building, which was already half full, found a place at the bar, ordered himself some nonalcoholic drink and patiently sipped from it while waiting for his “date”.

 

“My, look at you.” Viktor turned his head to look at the person talking to him. Curly brown hair, mischievous blue eyes and a flirty smile on pink lips. 

“Hello Tom.” Viktor nodded his head with a smile and tapped a bar chair next to him. But Tom remained standing in front of him, stretched his hand, and touching Viktor’s face. He pressed his fingers on Viktor’s cheek, jaw, lips…

Viktor playfully pretended to bit him.

Tom flinched then pulled his hand back and laughed. “I think I better sit.” 

Viktor nodded again and took a sip from his drink. “So, tell me. Was that thing about you being a pro therapist true, or were you just trying to get me out of my house in the bigger picture?”

“Umm,” Tom seemed thoughtfully for a second and Viktor raised an eyebrow with a smile. 

“Am I professional if I read a few articles about depressed people online?” He looked at Viktor with a hopeful smile. Viktor shook his head, smile constant.

“Damn. Then I think I must admit I was lying to you, sweet Viktor. I am deeply sorry, and I hope you can forgive me my fatal blunder…”

Viktor sighed. He knew it because if you think about it for a while it was a very transparent lie, but he hoped a bit that this guy can really help him to move on. That he could meet someone, and make his problems go away at the same time. But as it seemed, no one like that existed in this world.

“I’ll think about it.”

Tom moaned and devoured his glass of vodka. “Why are the most beautiful people at the same time the meanest people?”

“Then I guess you must be super nice.”

“See? This was super mean!”

Viktor laughed. “Sorry. couldn’t resist. Besides… I’m not like this normally. It’s just…”

“Yeah, your potential chick died and you are feeling guilty. But Viktor, let me say something to you.” Viktor lifted his head to meet Tom’s gaze.

“You are not the one at fault. According to what you’ve said to me, she had cancer. There is no way you could cause her fucking cancer, Viktor! And there is no way you could heal her either. The only thing you could do was to make her last days better, and I think you did just that. With that amazing face and even more amazing spirit of yours. She was feeling good because of you when she was on her way, and that is the important thing. Here, have some vodka.” Viktor felt the words slowly leaking into his soul, filling the hole his guilt had made. It was really great feeling, especially after a few weeks of drowning in this hole. And vodka in his blood was pleasantly heating his body and slowly making him tipsy.

 

An hour passed, and they were still sitting at the bar, drinking, laughing at each other’s jokes, pleasing each other with exaggerated flatteries, and sometimes sobbing over the injustice in the world. A regular drunken hookup.

“Vitya?” Tom addressed him when Viktor felt like falling asleep with his head laid on the bar. Viktor hummed and his eyes flutter open, but only for a while - Tom raised his hand and closed his eyelids with fingers again. Then he started to softly caress his face and hair. After a while, Viktor felt like purring.  

“You really are something, Vitya.”

Viktor’s one eye fluttered open. “Am I? Why do you think?”

“I’ve known you barely 24 hours, and I already want you so bad… And I am usually very picky,” Tom said and ordered himself another shot of vodka. Actually, two shots. The second one probably for Viktor. Again. He was starting to be a little tipsier than he should. He was laying on the table, so it was sure he was too tipsy. He laughed at Tom’s words. “Glad you picked me, then.”

Tom was silent but his recent sentence kept rolling across Viktor’s brain. Tom barely knew him, and he already wants him… preferably somewhere on a bed or a table. And he’s usually very picky, so this should be an honor for him.

Why did it sound so strange? So familiar?

 

Because it was him. More clearly, it wasn’t him, but it was his fear. His oath. He won’t go on a date with someone he barely knows.

What is he doing here? He should be at home, talking to someone properly. Not like this, spilling his every fear, every black thought and every weakness to a complete stranger, and then accept an invitation for drinks, barely 24 hours after the stranger contacted him, and flirting him while creating a sexual tension. This couldn’t end well. That was not how it was done, not how Viktor did these things. He really should be at home, and watch Milla’s Ice Princess, go to the rink in the morning and apologize to everyone. And get his damn programs done. 

 

But what can he do now? Just ask Tom:  _ You know, let’s have another round, we would talk in the chat first and then after a while, we can meet. What do you think?  _

Yes, very good idea Viktor, you are a great thinker.

 

Because of his hard thinking, he failed to notice that Tom is moving him. He stood up and took Viktor’s hand into his own. “Come Vitya,” his voice was surprisingly clear, despite the amount of alcohol he devoured. Viktor just lets him pull, mischievously laughing along Tom, and he realized what was happening just as his back was slammed into the wall. “I was deadly serious. Besides your mumbling about that girl, you gave me pretty bad blue balls yesterday. You owe me, beauty,” Tom purred, and block every one of Viktor’s escape attempts with his hands. Viktor blinked, and a cold crept down his spine. He suddenly realized, how fatal mistake this all really was. “Wait, I never said we…”

“You didn’t but you were pretty obvious back then. I will tell you what the cure is, my dear Vitya. A long, thick cock inside your body!”

Viktor felt like a punch was given to his stomach. Tom bent down to him, tilted his head, and his lips were suddenly hovering across Viktor’s. “Trust me, honey, I will heal you.” 

The kiss was too forcible. Viktor felt like he was suffocating, when the tongue slipped between his lips, opened them, and fought its way forward into Viktor’s mouth. One hand touched his hip, fingers snaking underneath his shirt, second hand slowly caressing his long neck, making Viktor tilt his head like Tom needed for the kiss. But Viktor needed an air. He needed a break. He needed to stop, and leave. Now. 

He tore his lips from Tom’s, and during the action, he hit the back of his head to the wall. “Ouch… Please… Wait… I don’t think this is…”

“No one asked you, honey.” Another cold wave splashed through Viktor, when he heard a low growl in his ear, felt a hot breath on his neck. Tom nibbled the skin of his neck in his teeth, a clear threat. 

“But you can’t just…” Viktor protested again, the fingers snaking up his belly, and Tom biting into his neck. Viktor yipped and quickly pushed with his hands, placed on Tom’s shoulders. The move tore the man from him, but as expected, he immediately regrouped, smirking into Viktor’s face, with a little drop of blood in his mouth corner. “You really think you can beat me? I’ve  already been doing this for years.” He laughed and one his hand hit the wall, right near Viktor’s head. Viktor jerked, and Tom smiled. “See? You are the victim here if you are the one that is afraid.” He again bent his breath against Viktor’s ear. “But you can always enjoy it, it is supposed to be your cure after all. So just close those pretty eyes of yours, and…” Tom grabbed with his other hand Victor’s crotch.

Viktor let out a high yelp, and he acted instinctively. He kicked up with one of his knees, and it landed between Tom’s legs. Tom let out a screech. “You little…” As his stomach bent in obvious pain, he grabbed Viktor by the hair and slammed his head against the wall. Viktor whimpered and his legs gave out, sliding down on his butt. Tom immediately squatted above him, grabbing his neck with one hand and squeezing a bit. “I thought I would let you really enjoy it,” he hissed. “But I was wrong.”

Viktor’s vision was swimming, he felt the vomit rising in his throat, and he heard Tom’s words like it was coming through water. Tom was touching him again, on his crotch and neck, trying to strip him out of his clothes… Or to make him hard. But with the pain in his head, Viktor doubted that would be possible. A headache wasn’t sexy.

He heard the door open.

“Hey, asshole! What are you doing to him?!” Then multiple hands were tearing Tom off him and helping Viktor to stand. As Viktor squinted at them, he could see it was another pair of guys, both with swollen lips and red cheeks. The were probably were making out too, and searching for a place to get things done, but instead, they found Viktor. He was… grateful.

With whispered words of gratitude, and along the angry shouts of both guys and Tom  _ (some insults and reasoning, but it really wasn’t interesting to him at the moment) _ , he left the toilets (that was the place his beloved “date” chose for them to fuck), quickly left some rubles at the bar and left the place completely as quickly as possible. His head was throbbing and a wound on his neck was slowly leaking blood. He should probably visit a doctor for it.

 

\---

 

Viktor Nikiforov deleted his account on the internet dating site right after he arrived home.

 

This was not the way he wanted to meet the love of his life. It was like Georgi told him some time ago - if he can meet someone without modern technologies, that could be a sign of TRUE true love. He just had to wait, not to force it, and it will come. People there really weren' t some thing for him, the majority of them being horny creeps, doing this job for years, waiting for their victim to fall for their tricks. Then there were people with clear psychical disorders - which human could despise dogs, of all things - and then...people like Blaga…

 

No, she taught him something else. As much as he was thinking it through, he couldn't find anything that would be bad on her. Except the fact she was dead. She reminded him of the thing he’d already known for a long time - nothing lasts forever. He first got to know this awful truth when his mom died and now it was reminded to him by the girl he really thought he would love. And he felt she would love him too if they were given the chance.

 

He was home for a few days after the bar with doctor's orders to stay there. He had a nice concussion, was still as lonely as he always had been but he finally had an idea. It was nothing old like Blaga told him to do. It was something new, something completely new. Something the mighty Viktor Nikiforov never did and he doubted it was done by many skaters before.

With help from motivational and lovesick playlists on Spotify, he found the perfect music for him. When he was finally allowed to leave his apartment and practice again, he was in full putting to-get-something-done mode. The Grand Prix qualifications were just behind the corner! His rinkmates and Yakov were deeply surprised with his change. He was surprised that they were surprised. As if they hadn't known him for years, his determination could be unbreakable sometimes. Especially now, with a newly found will to skate, to win, to live, to love. The inspiration itself hadn’t come back - this was more based on his experience than his fantasy - but that really gave the whole pieces the right taste.

But to give his rinkmates a little credit, he hadn't expected it either. At first, he felt like crawling into a hole and never coming up again, with his pride hurt from being almost raped, with his judgment broken with depression. He felt ashamed, ridiculed and totally dumb. But then… Something clicked. And he decided to turn those bitter feelings into strength that he had so blissfully craved ever since.

 

His experience was awful, but it helped him a lot now. He really was there, he was enthusiastic at first, he believed, he refused, he set the standards, he pleaded, he was afraid, he fought, he fell and got up, again and again, just to fail at the end. It was a dynamic, unforgivable, difficult and emotional fight, that he lost at the end and it cost him his pride. He felt bared to the world, like a fallen soldier, lying on the ice on his back, with face covered with an elbow. Just like his ending pose for his short program.

 

His experience was also melancholic - like the beautiful brown eyes of a dying girl, the girl who enthralled him and then left him for good. All the memories of their relationship, very short but beautiful, and the only kiss they shared, helped him through thinking about his bittersweet free program, his plea - a plea for someone uncertain, someone perfect, someone just for him, to come, seal the hole that remained in him after his defeat, after being abandoned and humiliated, after her. Pleading for someone to find him, stay by his side, and never leave. Beautiful, stunning, sad.

 

There was no news about his concussion. Yakov ordered it to be kept secret. The only public statements about him were from his coach, so both of his programs were a big surprise at Skate Canada. And his theme as well -  _ “Failures”.  _ He skated with everything he had, he had given out all of his emotions, all of his experience, in the short choreographies he danced with his body alone - and he won gold.

 

So after all, nothing changed. He could just wait, and hope. And with turn every of his bitter feelings he would turn them into the strength he needed to endure his waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. If you did, don’t be shy and leave me some kudos or a comment! :3
> 
> I thought of Viktor’s short program music as some remix of Battle Cry by Imagine Dragons. Link [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSpJOeS9rxc). That's the song that the title came from.  
> I hope you all know the song of his free program...


End file.
